Funny quips ...

Came across these while looking for my printer receipt. Stuff I printed from a "Catma cannon" website which I can't find anymore. Don't even know who wrote the stuff. I hate to tote these scraps of paper all over the world so I'll just put them up here for everyone's enjoyment. Then I can throw the papers blissfully away.

• Did you ever find it ironic that Lincoln said in the Gettysburg Address that "They will not remember what we say here"?
• Let anyone tell you that you're wrong. Don't ever believe it.
• Remember what you've said and done because others will.
• The "secret" service is more publically known than the NSA. Why is that?
• All the world is a stage and some people just can't act.
• Nothing suits people better than a well-fit suit.
• No one on this earth knows me better than ________.
• Have you ever considered that everything you know was given to you by someone else? Have you ever discovered anything purely on your own? Isn't that humbling?
• Simulations and simulacrums are different. Barely.
• If at first you don't succeed, change the rules.
• If life gives you lemons, throw them back, yell, scream and demand money.
• Sometimes you make mistakes. We all do. Well, all of you do.
• A friend is someone you can call to help you move. A real friend is someone you can call to help you move a body.
• Revolutions are always legal in the first person, such as our revolution. They are only illegal in the third person, such as their revolution.
• Humankind is human. The kind part is disputable.
• If God didn't want us to eat animals, why did he make them out of meat?
• It is not money but momentum that makes the world go around. Money just makes the revolutions more fun.
• The Conspiracy is like an onion; peel away the layers and there are just more layers. It also smells and makes you cry.
• Pain would be better if it didn't hurt so much.
• Power corrupts. Absolute power is kinda neat.
• The only thing sweeter than revenge is revenge on a paranoid.
• If you don't like it, don't do it. If you don't do it, don't complain about it.
• Make the world a better place by the time you leave it. [that's right, think about that one ...]
• Everyone has their own opinion. They're entitled to have it. You're entitled to mock that opinion, and convince them that it's wrong. They're entitled to the same.
• It's all in your backyard if you just take over the rest of reality and call it your "backyard".
• If stars are just burning balls of gas and planets are just cooled balls of gas, shouldn't the universe change its diet?
• The analogy that people are like sheep is one of the oldest humanity has. Do humans just like being compared to incredibly stupid animals or have they missed that part of the analogy?
• People could learn a lot from cats: especially about how to sit around doing nothing.
• Circular definition: see circular definition